No New Friends? (Except Maybe the Right Ones)

I’ve hit that weird stage in adulthood where I’m not exactly lonely, but I also haven’t really found my people, you know? Like that “ride-or-die” crew whose plans actually make it out of the group chat.

And honestly, I thought by now I’d have that figured out. A solid little community. A brunch rotation. People to go halfsies on an Airbnb with. But here I am, still proud of where I’m at in life—career on track, bills mostly paid, plants still alive (r.i.p. monstera 🪴🥲)—yet realizing I don’t quite have that group of people I can lean on for the big (and dumb) life stuff.

Now, meeting people isn’t the problem. I actually like meeting new people. I’ll chat up a stranger at a coffee shop or at a concert line like nothing (if I’m in the mood, iykyk). But keeping those connections? Building real friendships that actually stick? That’s the tricky part.

And maybe…it’s me (*the audience gasps*). Maybe I’m too picky. It’s just that I know what energy feels right, when someone gets my humor, shares a little honesty, and doesn’t make me feel like I have to perform. When it clicks, it clicks. But when it doesn’t? I’m out faster than you can say “let’s hang soon” (which, btw, 9 times out of 10, means never).

It’s not that I’m closed off, I just want friendships that feel easy, like they fit into my life instead of needing to be forced. When you’re younger, friendships come with convenience: school, jobs, shared chaos. But now? We’re out here trying to align schedules, energy levels, and emotional maturity like it’s a group project from hell.

And I get it, everyone’s busy. We’ve got careers, relationships, family stuff, and random bursts of “I just want to be alone.” Finding a community that actually sticks takes intention. You’ve got to choose your people on purpose. The ones who check in, show up, and don’t make you feel weird for disappearing for two weeks because life’s got you in a headlock.

So yeah, maybe I don’t have the big community I pictured for my 30s. But I’m slowly realizing that “no new friends” doesn’t have to mean no friends, it just means you need the right ones.

Because one day, I’ll have that porch moment. The one where I’m sippin’ a glass of wine, joint in hand, reminiscing about life with my people. It might take time to find them, but when I do, it’s gonna be a damn good time!