The Weight of Expectations: Navigating ‘Success’ in Adulthood

I don’t know when it happened exactly, but somewhere between graduating college and entering my thirties, the word ‘success’ started to feel heavier than it used to. Like, instead of being a marker of “making it”, it became this never-ending checklist of things to accomplish: high paying career, house, marriage, kids, perfect health, a side hustle that somehow makes six figures, all while traveling and “romanticizing life” on the weekends.

The thing is, I don’t remember signing up for this! But the pressure is there, whether it comes from family, friends, social media, or just me comparing myself to the version of me I thought I’d be by now.

The Shifting Goalposts

One thing I’ve realized about adulthood is that the definition of success never sits still. Graduated? Now get a job. Got a job? Now get a better one. Bought a house? Now think about kids. And don’t forget, while you’re doing all of that, you’re supposed to find yourself.

The goalpost keeps moving, and chasing it feels endless.

Redefining Success (on my terms)

At some point, I had to stop and ask myself: What actually feels like success to me? Not the Instagram version. Not everyone else’s version. Just my version.

And when I really sat with that (as I sipped on a perfectly chilled Coke Zero), it looked less like a ladder and more like a garden🪴:

✨Small daily routines that give me peace 

✨Relationships that feel nourishing, not draining

✨A career that pays the bills but doesn’t eat my soul

✨Time for hobbies, even if they’re not profitable or “productive”

✨Enough freedom to change my mind without shame

That’s not flashy. It doesn’t photograph well. But it feels like success.

The Comparison Trap

Social media, of course, makes this harder. It’s easy to see someone else’s highlight reel and think you’re behind. But what we don’t see are the breakdowns behind the curated pics, the debt behind the vacations, or the quiet dissatisfaction behind the “dream job.”

I try to remind myself that “success” is just as subjective as taste in music. We don’t all have to love Beyoncé’s entire discography (even if I absolutely do).

Learning to Carry the Weight Differently

The expectations don’t go away, at least not overnight. But I’m trying to carry them differently:

• Pausing before I say yes to something just because it looks “impressive.” (I can be a little easy to convince. A conman’s wet dream)
• Celebrating small wins without waiting for external validation.
• Giving myself credit for the life I already have, instead of the life I thought I should have.

Closing Thoughts

Adulthood isn’t about collecting gold stars on someone else’s chart. It’s about figuring out which stars actually matter to you, and then giving yourself permission to chase them at your own pace. Success doesn’t have to feel heavy. Sometimes it can just be waking up, doing the best you can, and knowing that’s enough.❤️